Article by Lavern Bradford

Your wife has just been part of a great miracle. Yeah, I know, you were part of it, too, if you conceived this child together. But your part was a little more fun than her part, and her part lasted nine months (if you’re lucky, your part lasted an hour and a half; on average, I’d say it probably lasted about fifteen minutes!).Let me talk to you dad to dad yeah, you’re a dad now. You might still feel like a kid or like you’re much too young to actually have a child call you “Dad,” but the child that just came out of your wife’s body certainly qualifies you for that distinction.I’ve raised five kids of my own, and if I can do it, you can too. I know how to play possumjkeeping a very steady sleep-sounding rhythm going in my breathing so my wife wouldn’t even think about “waking” me to ask me to help clean up a dirty diaper or a sick kid’s vomit. In fact, after five children, I think it’s safe to say that I know every trick of the trade.But I’ve also, thankfully, done my share of helping. After thirty years of childrearing, Sande would tell you I’ve been a pretty good dad. Sande appreciates that I’ve been willing to roll up my sleeves and help, and that’s what I want to talk to you about.Realize you’re the “ace reliever”!Right now your wife is an all-star. In baseball terms, she’s Roger Clemens. She’s been asked to throw the heat for eight straight innings and it’s been a tough game. As much as Roger doesn’t want to come out of the ball game, the number of pitches he’s thrown and his exhaustion dictate that he has to come out. When Joe Torre walks onto the field, Roger knows his time is up; now the game lies in the hands of Mariano Rivera, the ace reliever.If your wife is Roger Clemens, you’re Mariano Rivera. You may never have seen yourself as Rivera, but you are; you’re the reliever. Your wife may not want to get off the mound, but for the sake of her health and your baby and ultimately your own happiness, you have to protect her from overdoing it.As the reliever, your job is to roll up your sleeves and finish what your wife started. If your baby takes short naps, your wife may need to sleep while you watch junior. Certainly she could use the ten minutes to relax on the couch while you change a diaper. Giving her these minivacations several times a day (even if it means right when you walk in the door from work and she’s looking frazzled, in the middle of the night, or early in the morning before work) will make all the difference in the world for you, your wife, and your child.I know, I knowjyou’ve been working all day, too. Sure, you’d like to come home, read the paper, and catch up on the scores. But your work is different; at least you’ve been able to change locations and the type of work. Contrast that to your wife, whose entire day has been wrapped up in caring for your child. She is feeling a tremendous daily, minute-by-minute responsibility for a child who is not yet capable of doing things for himself. Whether she worked outside the home before or not, becoming a mom has changed her entire world. She needs a break.Frankly, your wife’s energy, previously poured into you and your marriage, has now been severely disrupted by this twenty-inch gift from God, whom you may have noticed has many hedonistic tendencies and can’t give back to her at all. That’s why she needs your help. Her number one obstacle will always be exhaustion. Think of her as a driver being pulled out of the car after an Indy 500jso stiff and sore she can barely stand. That’s your wife. Physically, emotionally, hormonally, she’s been involved in a war. And at times she needs you to carry the load for a while.Be your wife’s hero.Being a mom of a young child is really difficult. It’s a twenty-four-hour-a-day job. No wonder so many moms decide to stay home with their children. And yet some people look down on stay-at-home moms, figuring that they’re not contributing much to society. Those misguided people have a lot to learn about the challenges of being a mother who’s “on call” around the clock. And so does any father who works outside the home and doesn’t see the minute-by-minute challenges his wife faces. But you can be different. You have the opportunity to be your wife’s hero and a great father to your child by stepping up to that pitching mound and taking the ball from your wife.How do you do that? It’s all about the little things, guys. Call home when you’re at the store and ask your wife, “Is there anything you need?” Take your wife out, but make sure you call and get the baby-sitter. Don’t make her do all the planning for your nights out. Clean up the kitchen so your wife won’t even be tempted to do it. Take care of the laundry. Make the bed. Try to think of all the little things your wife does that you have previously taken for granted.As a new mom, your wife has become a member of what I call “The Order of the Velcro Women”: Every need ultimately sticks to her. Dinner and a movie will sound great, but even better if you set it up. She might need you to clear your schedule on Thursday nights so she can go work out or have some space and time for herself. If you’re starting to frown, stop there. I know you’re already seeing less of your wife, and now I’m telling you to let her out even more! But trust me on this one: It’ll come back to you. In her heart she’ll say, I’m so glad I married that man, and she’ll love you even more intensely for it. And guys, our wives often have very creative and fun ways of letting us know how much they appreciate us!Act as her protector.Everybody will want to come and see the baby, everybody will call your wife on the phone, and she may feel obligated to accommodate all of these visits and requests. (This is especially true since women, in general, tend to be “pleas-ers” by nature. They don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings and think deeply about long-term consequences of even small slights in relationships.) But as her protector, you need to be the one who looks out for her interests. Intercept the phone calls and make yourself the bad guy: “I’m sorry. She is really tired and can’t come to the phone right now. But I’ll tell her you called. I’m sure she’ll call you back as soon as she has a moment.”You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to know which friends your wife will want to talk to and which ones will be a “chore.” Screen the calls accordingly. Likewise, you know which visitors will truly encourage and lift your wife’s spirits and which ones will create more work. Who wants to have someone over if you have to work to make yourself and your home presentable for “company,” to have a colorful snack or a gourmet meal ready, or to sit and be hospitable when all you’re longing to do is sleep? In contrast, a friend who offers to watch the baby or to do your wash and ironing while your wife naps would probably be most welcome. So become the firewall to protect your wife’s best interests. Some friends may call you “controlling” and say even worse things behind your back, but deep in her heart, your wife really wants you to be her protector. Because of the way God made herjto be concerned first about everyone else, before herselfjshe needs you. When she sees you looking after her welfare, she’ll rest easier, thinking, He knows me; he can protect me. We’ll get through these first crazy daysjtogether.Think of how you can help practically.No, you can’t help with breast-feeding. You’re just not wired to do that! But besides traditional household chores, try to think of things you wouldn’t normally think of doing, such as writing the thank-you letters for baby-shower gifts. Anticipate needing extra time to focus on caring for your wife, and leave your work at the office. This isn’t the time to have a “night out” with the boys.If you’re reading this in anticipation of the birth or receiving a “chosen child,” finish up that handyman list a couple weeks before the due date so you’ll be free to help out more at home. You need to make room in your schedule. Your golf handicap might go up a bit, and your lawn might grow a little longer, and yeah, a few weeds may crop up in your gardenj but none of that matters as much as supporting your wife in these early, crucial days. When our firstborn’s due date came near, I knew my life was going to change, but I didn’t realize how much it would change. Having that baby in our home changed our family dynamics forever. I was so excited the last month I didn’t do much; in retrospect, I wish I had done more to get ready.

More Feeding Baby Possums Articles